Rocks, Conversations, and Other Things I'm Not Good With...

Dear Gerry,

It's me again. I'm sorry I got some blood on you. It's just a few speckles, though, so you're still worth writing in. Although, it's not nearly as much blood as I wanted it to be, let me tell you.

Argh. I'm still frustrated after our last skirmish. I can't believe I miss so many of my shots - it's almost like someone is rolling dice to determine if I hit my mark or not; like my success in battle is totally up to chance. Ridiculous.

Anyway, I should start at the beginning, or at least where I left off last time. So, after interrogating the last remaining kobold - I think Joon killed him and added his head to her collection (which, by the way, has to be getting heavy; she must have like seven heads!) - Alvin declared himself our leader and started talking strategy with us. Man, that kid is bold. I mean he's as skinny as a wraith and I'm pretty sure I've eaten things his same size, but he commands pretty fearlessly. I'm curious how he got this way. Neirun taught me to be confident in battle, but she never cared much for social situations, so even in our tribe, even though her role as one of the three chiefs was respected, we were often outcasts. I don't think Neirun ever expected me to be a leader, but somebody must have taught Alvin how to command from day one.

Also, his bird is pretty cool.

Racket, I mean, not Rocket, which makes so much more sense because I know what racket means, but I don't know what the hell a rocket is.

Racket actually proved quite useful this time around. While Cobb, Diddly, Joon, and I sat around eating some chicken left over from the kobolds, Alvin went into some funky trance and sent Racket off to spy on the camp of the dragon-wannabe-baby-mamas. The camp is pretty big, and there was an ambush set for people travelling down the road towards it, so it was a good thing Racket checked it out.

We decided to deal with the ambush first, and then make a strategy for the camp.

There were bad guys on either side of the road, so we split up - Alvin was to come down the road and make a distraction with some of his illusion tricks; I was paired with Cobb on the left; and Joon and Diddly were on the right. I was pretty jealous that Diddly got to go with Joon. I mean, it makes sense to split up us two head-choppers, but Joon is so cool. And it seems like she gets along with Diddly really well, which makes me jealous. I want Joon to be my friend. And Diddly is too charming. He plays the lute really well too. Neirun tried to teach me to play lute for years, and I can only manage out a few drinking songs without breaking a string. Plus, Diddly smells pretty good. I'm extra jealous of that. I know most half-orcs don't really care about their smell, but after the kids in the tribe made fun of me for smelling weird growing up, I'm pretty self-conscious about it. And Diddly just smells so good, I'll be that Joon is already in love with him. But, maybe that can change. Maybe I can sneak some dung into his bag and Joon will think he smells and not want to hang out with him any more. Yes! I'll call it operation Did-ya-smell-that-ly! (Pretty clever, huh? Using his name like that? I told you I'm intelligent for a half-orc).

Okay, I'll let you know how that goes, but back to the story.

So, Cobb and I approached to the right, and surprise-surprise (!!!!) I did NOT give away our position! Being stealthy is not exactly my best trait, but this time, I ROCKED it! Cobb is always sneaky, of course. Half the time, I barely know where he is. But, I guess being that small would make it easier. Regardless, both Cobb and I (!!!) successfully sneaked up to the bad would-be-dragon-lovers on the hill. Then, right as Alvin set up his illusion - this time an old guy with a donkey pulling a cart - we attacked!

Cobb got a few really good shots in. I was pretty impressed. I haven't interacted with him a lot, other than a few awkward attempts at conversation, but then again, how many of my conversations are not awkward? I feel like everyone is deducting points from me whenever I open my mouth. It's depressing.

Anyway, Cobb is a really effective fighter. He pretty much took out one guy, and I helped a little - ranged attacks are not my strongest suit. I do much better face-to-face. And it seemed like Joon and Diddly were doing a depressingly good job working together (Maybe I'll put a rotten rabbit in Diddly's bag, maybe it would smell worse than the dung - maybe both?). So, Cobb and I decided to move up.

This is when I was going to make my move. I was going to run up and jump off the hill and on to the boulder where the dragon-captain was standing, and knock him over in the process. It was going to be amazing - jump through the air, impressing everyone with my athletic ability, land directly on the commander, knocking him over, and then stabby-stabby, commander is dead and Yeve is the hero and super cool even if she does smell a little funny.

But no.

It didn't work out that way.

Instead, I lost my footing right as I jumped off the cliff, and I landed next to the stupid commander guy, almost falling off the damn boulder myself.

Ugh.

How embarrassing.

My only redemption is that I think Joon was too busy to notice. Or at least I hope so.

What's worse is that I didn't even get to finish off the stupid commander! Diddly mumbled some crazy magical mumbo-jumbo in his ears, and commander-man just keeled over! Of course, remembering this does make me rethink my Did-ya-not-smell-so-good plan, as I don't think I want Diddly mumbling anything sinister in my ear.

Anyway, while we were killing people, one of the dragon-humpers got away. Alvin sent Racket off to peck out the dude's eyes, which apparently he was successful at. We hid most of the bodies, but the camp was alerted because of that run-away's eyeless body was next to the camp, so we had to get off the road fast and hide in order to take a rest. We did grab some cloaks from the dragon people, and that should help with our infiltration of the camp, so that was useful. Joon got some sweet armor that I got to help her put on (!!!).

So, now we're resting, and getting ready for our next big step.

As we're laying here though, and I'm scratching all this down, I have moments where I wonder what I'm doing here. I mean, I mentioned last time the impending apocalyptic dragon-mask killing the world, ushering in dragon-doom, but still, I mean, didn't I just fall into this because some skinny wizard tricked me into being a body guard?

When I held Neirun while she died, after those bastards killed her, she told me not to waste my life. I wonder - would she think this was a waste?

I've actually been thinking back to that night a lot. That night she died. It's such a blur. The alarm from the watchmen. Neirun whipping our tent flap open to see what was going on. Packing our small bags in such a hurry. But, it was already too late. They grabbed us. They didn't know what to make of me - a lone half-orc, in the middle of a nomadic tribe of half-elves and humans - so maybe that's why they put me to the side, to be dealt with later. Then, they gathered the leaders, and of course, Neirun with her ridiculous pride, would never deny her leadership in the tribe she helped to create, despite the rejection she'd faced after adopting me. "Yes," she'd said, "I am one of the chiefs." Why didn't she just lie? And why didn't she just tell them where we kept our treasures? Was it so wrong to betray the tribal secrets if it would have saved her life?

But she didn't. And they'd killed her.

That was the first time I entered a battle rage. I don't remember how many of them I killed. I only remember holding her. And watching her die.

But, now that I'm sitting here, I'm maybe starting to remember other things. Like their cloaks. They look kind of similar to the ones we stole today. And that symbol the commander was wearing on his armor. It looks a little familiar.

Perhaps...

But wait, I have to go. It's time to discuss strategy.

Next time, Gerry.

That Time I Almost Died

Dear Diary, 

I feel strange calling you diary. I mean, I nabbed you from a temple that was being mobbed by a hoard of fanatical dragon worshippers. You probably belonged to a priest or faithful patron. Maybe. Maybe you belonged to one of the dragon hoard. Although, what would a dragon-fanatic write in a journal? I love dragons. My dream to is be eaten by a dragon. I want to have freak dragon babies. Yeah, not likely. 

I saw you just under a tree near the temple last night. I thought you were a book. I love books. While Neirun taught me to read, she never let me keep books. "Too much weight to carry!" she would yell at me. Snarl, really. Between the two of us - me, a half-orc, and her, the human - she really won the snarl competition. Spittle. Teeth. It's unpleasant. 

Anyway, when you turned out to be a diary, an empty one at that, I decided to keep you. And write down things. I have a feeling I'm going to have a lot of interesting things to write down - if the last 48 hours were any indication. Maybe one day this will be a book. 

But..I don't really want to call you diary. And journal sounds boring. Maybe record? A record of the great tales of Yevelda, the half-orc, half-dragon fighting, boss? That still sounds dumb and like I'm a wanna-be mythic hero. Maybe I'll name you. Like Bob? Or Mika? Or Gerry? I like Gerry. I like calling you Gerry because then it's like talking to someone, but that someone can't talk back. Which is nice. Most people/creatures don't really like talking to me. I lack what the wizard guy I'm travelling with calls "charisma." It means I don't interact well with people. Or orcs. Or elves. Or anyone, I guess. I'm okay with that. Mostly. 

Anyway, I mentioned that the last 48 hours were interesting, and I meant it. I went from being duped into acting as a body-guard for a caravan of goods by some scrawny 16-year-old wizard who I could literally break into shish kebobs, to fighting a crazy half-dragon and almost dying. 

It started when the town the caravan was travelling towards was being attacked by this giant blue dragon. I'd seen dragons from a distance before - my travels with the Mamet tribe had given me a few glimpses - but holy shit, seeing a dragon up close almost made me break water right where I stood. 

After a long journey to the keep of Greenest  and some fighting to maintain its security, we captured one of those insane dragon hoard mages. I flashed my muscles a bit to intimidate him, and Alvin - the previously mentioned, potential kebob (should things turn cannibalistic) and wizard - got some interesting information out of him. Apparently the group attacking Greenest were collecting look to usher in the reign of the dragon queen. And there's some evil dragon king named Tiamet? And then there's something about five masks that these creatures are seeking to usher in something apocalyptic and terrible.

Honestly, I got bored while Alvin was telling us everything the mage said. I kept staring at Joon. Joon is like the most fascinating creature I've come across in all of my travels. She/he (I haven't asked, but I'll go with girl so I don't feel like the only female in this party) is like a half-mermaid, half-human wonder. She's pretty quiet, but I can tell she's got a lot going on in her head. Or gills? She seems to miss the water because she flopped around in a crappy creek for a while as we headed towards the keep. I wonder why she's all the way out here. Maybe I'll ask. I have a few more questions for her as well - mostly ones I should ask about when we're much better friends - I think she might get weirded out if I asked about the mechanics of her sex life and we've only known each other for two days - this is probably one of those charisma things Alvin has mentioned. 

Anyway, after getting info out of the wimpy mage, Governor Knighthill asked us to go save some people from a temple. I mean, sure, why not right? We've only already rescued like twenty people and have had zero sleep, but okay, man, let me go solve your problems. (Sorry, Gerry, Neirun always said I was too sassy for my own good). Anyway, I went along like a good sport, and it really, it went pretty well. There was some crazy mob trying to break down the doors and some wackadoodles trying to set it on fire. I killed most of those fire guys with Joon and Diddly's help, and we ended up getting the people out of the temple while Alvin distracted the mob with this crazy knight illusion he named Sir Leslie. (Alvin's tendency to name his illusions makes me feel better about naming you Gerry). 

We got back to the keep with the townspeople, and wouldn't you know it, they needed our help again. This blue half-dragon, Langdedrosa Cyanwrath (Alvin helped me spell it), came up to the keep and asked for a challenger to fight. This half-dragon had a family with him, one of the guard's sisters, and he threatened to kill them if no one met his challenge. When I saw that family - the woman with her head down, on her knees, but quietly struggling against her restraints - she just looked so much like Neirun that I had to do something. So I did, I stepped up and took the challenge.

In retrospect, this was not the smartest idea I've ever had. I'm smart for a half-orc, barbarian-kinda gal, but sometimes that lust for blood overwhelms my other faculties and I make less-than-desirable decisions. 

Okay, I'll be honest with you Gerry, I thought I could take this guy. I mean, yes, he's a half dragon, and I've been on the road and solo for less than a year, but I thought some noble-holier-purpose would help me overcome him. 

Yeah, I need to leave the holier-stuff to the clerics and paladins. 

Because, I'm not going to lie, I got my ass whooped. I mean, in like less than five seconds, Cyanwhatever-his-name-is had me down on my back. And not in a good way. In a very murdery way. Luckily, I got back up and got in one really good strike, but then he just knocked me out and the next thing I know, Diddly's healing me up and Cyan had said sayonara. 

I took a long nap after that one. 

When I'd rested up, we gathered together and met this dude named Nessum. His nephew is a dragon cult expert and either is a prisoner or infiltrated the raiders. Nessum gave us some choker to use to identify him and we set off to find him. Now, I'm not quite sure why I'm still with this group searching for some dragon-cult nephew. I mean, if you're going to become a dragon-cult expert, you've definitely got some screws loose and rattling around. Am I really going to spend my time looking for this nut job? I guess I'm sticking with them out of comraderie. I mean, like I said, Joon is a fascinating creature that I'm maybe going to keep stalking the rest of my life. And Alvin is okay. He did trick me into this originally using one of his illusion tricks, which was pretty jerk-like, but his illusions are interesting, and I like his bird, Rocket. And with how scrawny he is, I'm betting he needs me around for a while. Or he really will be a shish kabob. 

The jury is still out on Kobb and Diddly. I thought I overheard them saying something racist about halflings - which I didn't get because Kobb is a halfling - but hopefully I'm wrong.

I guess I'm also sticking with them because it seems like there's some impending dragon apocalypse that will destroy all of Faerun. That's a pretty good reason to stick around. I guess.

Anyway, we traveled for a while until Rocket spied a group of kobolds, so we decided to murder them. 

Naturally. 

The kobolds were eating some chicken when Alvin blinded them. I ran up and chopped up one while Diddly went to the other side and shot the spleen out of a cultist. Joon collected another kobold head (where is she going to keep all of them?!) and we caught one of the cultist who was running away. 

We decided to interrogate him. Diddly told me to play to my strengths, which is strength, so I just told the cult-man "I'm going to pound you in the face," and that got him talking really fast. Apparently there is some camp a couple of miles south in some plateaus. There's like a couple hundred in the camp and there's a few leaders - Resmere? Langdedrosa? (pretty sure this is the guy who beat my face in) and Frulan Mondanth? 

Anyway, they might have a dragon mask, so I guess we're headed there next. I hope I can nap first though. Chopping kobold faces always makes me sleepy. 

Thanks for being here, Gerry. I think I'm going to enjoy writing this.